Sharing your personal pronouns in the workplace is a simple yet powerful way to help create more equal, equitable and inclusive work environments.

Sharing and using correct pronouns is not insignificant – although it might feel that way if you have always lived as a cis-gender person whose pronouns have gone unquestioned.

The most commonly used personal pronouns in the English language are “she, her, hers” and “he, him, his”.  However, people who are non-binary, transgender or gender nonconforming may use pronouns that don’t fall into this binary categorization we are most often used to and socialised into.

Other pronouns people can choose to use include, for example, “they, them, theirs”, “ze, zir, zirs” or “en, en, ens”.

Gender identity refers to a person's deeply felt, internal and individual experience of gender, which may or may not correspond to the sex they were assigned at birth.  Our gender identity is internal – it is therefore not possible to know a person’s gender and their personal pronoun just by looking at them or learning their name.

All people have the fundamental right to self-determine their own identity. We should never assume anyone’s gender and pronoun, and misgendering people by repeatedly using the wrong pronoun is not only harmful, but amounts to harassment and discrimination.

If you are cis-gender (your gender identity aligns with the sex assigned to you at birth), one meaningful way to be an ally to LGBTQI+ people is by proactively sharing your pronouns – and encouraging others to do the same. 

How to share your pronouns at work

If you’ve never had to experience someone constantly using the wrong pronoun when addressing you, this might not seem very important or something that your workplace should address as a matter of priority.

But pronouns matter. They are a big part of who we are. Being constantly misgendered is discrimination and a denial of a person’s identity, and it can leave people feeling excluded and further marginalised.

Cis-gender people explicitly sharing and including their pronouns in their everyday work helps to normalise the practice for everyone, and supports trans- and gender-diverse people when they include and share theirs.

Sharing and acknowledging pronouns fosters a more inclusive, respectful and safe work environment for all. It facilitates respectful  intra-personal communications among staff, as well as demonstrates solidarity with the LGBTQI+ community.

One simple way you can practice sharing pronouns in a professional environment is by adding them to your email signature – such as “Yolanda Grimes (they/them), Program Manager”. This signals commitment to diversity and inclusion internally, but also with external stakeholders.

You can also add your pronouns to your Zoom and LinkedIn and other social media profiles.

Pronouns can also be incorporated into internal staff databases and human resource forms and processes, and you can also include them in your business cards.

During introductions in events, meetings, trainings and general icebreakers, the chairperson or facilitator can ask participants to share their names, roles and if they are comfortable, their pronouns. It is OK to also directly ask someone’s pronouns while at the same time offering yours, such as “My pronouns are she/her, can you remind me what your pronouns are?”.

Avoid referring to ‘preferred’ or ’desired’ pronouns, as this suggests that respecting a person’s  pronouns is somehow ‘optional’; that they are ‘just pronouns’.

It is important that workplaces support and encourage staff to acknowledge and share their pronouns. However, ultimately the choice of whether or not to share is a deeply personal one and should be respected. Never force anyone to share their pronouns with you.

What if I make a mistake?

Everyone makes mistakes. Especially if explicitly sharing and consciously thinking about pronouns is new to you, it is likely you will sometimes use the wrong pronouns. The key is what you do afterwards.

If you notice that you used the wrong pronoun while still in the situation, just correct yourself – simply apologise, state the correct pronoun and continue, such as “Sorry, I meant to say they”. If you only notice your mistake later, you can apologise to the person in private.

When you make mistakes, take it as a learning opportunity and commit to doing better in the future. But avoid dwelling in your mistake and making a big deal of it – this often puts the pressure on the person being misgendered to comfort you or to deal with your anguish.

If you don’t know someone’s pronouns, it’s always safe to use “they” – “the Project Assistant will be here in two hours, I’ll make sure the venue is set up for them.”

Accept that mistakes are part of the learning process. As a general rule of thumb: apologise, correct yourself and move on.

Dealing with resistance

Everyone deserves to have their self-ascribed name and pronouns respected in the workplace. The experience of being misgendered can be deeply hurtful and damaging. Misgendering colleagues and other stakeholders can create tension and lead to communication breakdowns.

One of the easiest ways to show support for transgender, non-binary, and gender non-conforming people is by honouring their pronouns, whether they are they/them, he/him or she/her, ze/zir, or something else.

That said, you might encounter some resistance to sharing pronouns in work settings. I certainly have. People will complain about the issue and belittle it. Some will not see the point of sharing their pronouns and don’t understand why it has to be made into “such a big thing”. To some, it seems that pronouns don’t matter and they cannot wrap their heads around what “all the fuss is about”.

In these situations it’s helpful to underline that using people’s correct pronouns is a matter of basic human rights, dignity and respect. It signals support to those who are discriminated against and already marginalised because of their sexual orientation, gender identity or expression and sex characteristics – and sharing pronouns poses literally no risk to cis-gender people, so there is really no reason not to do so.

When pronouns are actively displayed and shared as part of everyday speech, it signals to trans and non-binary people that the space is inclusive, that they are respected and their identities are valid.

A lot of the resistance I have personally encountered in my work with global organizations has come from staff members of major international agencies whose entire mandates are based on the promotion and protection of universal human rights and advancing gender equality and non-discrimination.

This shows that working on creating inclusive, safe environments for all can never be taken as a given. Continuous work, proper processes and systems, awareness raising, training, leadership commitment, accountability and consistent dedicated efforts are required to create equal and equitable organizations that truly walk the talk on their commitments.

By taking small actions we can have a big impact on people’s lives and overall organisational cultures. Sharing pronouns is a simple yet meaningful way to show solidarity with gender-diverse and gender non-conforming people and help create safer spaces for all.

Written by: Sini Ramo (she/her), CEO/Founder, Global Equality Matters

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Global Equality Matters (GEM) offers training and executive coaching on creating gender-equal and inclusive work places and gender-responsive communications. If you are interested to learn more, get in touch at contact@globalequalitymatters.com

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